Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
