my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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