if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
