There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
