i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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