to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
