This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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