So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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