it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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