kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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