Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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