then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
