I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
