I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize