His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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