Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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