i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize