Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize