So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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