singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
