i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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