i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
