we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
