Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize