Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
