You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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