is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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