Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
