he was CRYING into my vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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