Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
