I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have fence marks all over my body
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
