he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
