I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
