I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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