I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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