That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
