a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
