Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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