Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
