What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can text with my tongue
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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