Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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