he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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