its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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