Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Shame - the story of my life.
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