True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
