We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
