Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
