i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
