i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How's work?
Spinning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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