Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
