One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
where am i from again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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