He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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