she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize