turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
