Im at strip club and am horny
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
