i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize