Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
