sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
