Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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