If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
