Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
