What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
